The Battle of Cat Town

The Cat Town Cats have been feuding with their archrivals, the West Side Sky Cats for as long as either side remembers. They've been feuding so long in fact, that none of them remembers why the feud started in the first place. The climactic conclusion of the feud is presented here in this historically accurate recreation of The Battle of Cat Town.




It was an early morning in November when the attack came to the unsuspecting inhabitants of Cat Town.




The Cat Town Loafcat Tank Brigade was still eating their early morning cat chow when their arch-rivals, the West Side Sky Cats, launched an aerial assault against them! The West Side Sky Cats' Hellcat Flying Squadron unleashed a flurry of cluster bombs that scorched the earth with all manner of hellacious hellcatfire!




The normally-resplendent Duke Edmonton Quincy Adams of the Hillshire Farms was anything but bourgiose this fateful morning.

"HOLY WHISKERS OF SWEET JESUS' CAT! WE'RE ALL GONNA F**KING DIE!"




Mass hysteria fell upon the Cat Town Cats much like the firey napalm that rained down all around them! Screams of terror filled the air as did exploding kitty cats!




But there was one brave feline, battle-hardened over the years, who stood fearless and brought order to the chaos. That brave soul was none other than Brigadier General Fatty McButterpants Cat.

"Get a hold of yourselves you damn pussies! Man your battle stations! Loafcat Brigade, get on the ready-line, you lousy bunch of worthless flea-bags! Get those man-slaves to load up the Loafcannons! Send out the Tank Cats!




With renewed spirit, the Town Cats donned their ultra-high-tech battle armor and began the counter-attack.

Sergeant J. Edgar Purina Cat Chow III rallied the Loafcat Tank Brigade:

"You heard the general, men! Let's move out!"




"Sir, what do we do!"




"Load the loafcanons, private."





"Go go go! Get those loafcanons ready, you dirty, flea-bitten man-slaves!"




"By the grace of the mayor of Cat Town, I shall stop the enemy even at the cost of my 9 lives," cried the kamikazi loafcat brigadiers!




Even after being heavily shelled, Cat Town's mobile forces, the Loafcat Tank Brigade, rolled into action.




The Loafcanon Loafcats fought bravely tearing down most of the the West Side Sky Cats out of the air, even at the cost of their 9 lives. While the Tank Cat Brigade destroyed any survivors that happend to crash-land upon the earth!




Atop his noble steed, Melchior, The cowardly mayor of Cat Town, Puss McGee, looked on at the raging battle.

"By Jove, we can win this! General Fatty McButterpants Cat, you'll be getting another medal of honor if you save my sweet noble cat ass."




But then all of a sudden, the West Side Sky Cats pulled out their trump card: their super-secret super-weapon: Longcat! Longcat rose high above the heavens and mercilessly rained lasers of death upon Cat Town, decimating absolutely everything.




The destruction was total.




There were no survivors.




And finally the man-slaves were free! The tyranny of the evil Cat Town cats had finally come to an end.

Dan Marino (not the football hero) called his mom shortly after the battle was over:

"Momma? It's Little Danny, I'm finally comin' home! The Cat Town Cats have been vanquished! From henceforth, we are their slaves no longer!"




No actual cats were harmed in the creation of this tale. At least not by me... :3





Cat Town Loafcats! Never forget!


Click here for original unedited photos.